The Missing Question.

They hurt you.

They mistreated you before.

They shouldn't have done that.

Your feelings are valid.

They neglected your needs.

They're not showing up.

Your feelings are valid.

They have a lot of work to do to be worthy of the time and attention you're offering.

You're offering a lot.

Yes, I'm seeing that. I don't disagree with that at all.

You have a lot of love to give.

And yes, it's obvious they have a lot of work to do.

They've done some but it's not enough.

I'm glad we're covering that.

I'm glad you know that's valid. Yes.

Everything you're saying is true.

And.

I'd like for you to tell me where your work is.

Have you considered that part?

Because they can do a lot to support you in feeling better.

They can check every box on the list.

Until some point, inevitably, you realize no matter what box they check, you're not getting happier.

There's always something else.

You realize they can do so much to help you feel supported and loved.  

But they can't make you feel supported and loved.

Why?

Because your feelings live in your body and are a function of your perspective.

If your perspective is fixated on what's missing, then that's all you'll see because it's all your looking for.

The only person who can change that perspective is you.  

At some point, your happiness will be about your work to be happy, not theirs to make you so.

This is an inevitable truth on the path to healthy relationships.

"I love you. But I can't make you receive my love."

"Can you do the work to receive it?" is often the question we don't realize we're missing.

Tori

P.S. This post is to make the point that rarely are relationships as one-sided as we think they are. Any time the complaints are all about what the other person is doing wrong and needs to do differently, you're missing your own contribution.

P.P.S. This is easier said than done. See what my coaching package is about. I can help open you up.